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Do you take things people say personally? Do you realize that no matter how cruel a comment may sound to you, it usually wasn't meant to be a personal assualt? How else should we take it, other than personally, when someone says something painful to us? If you can remember that although it may feel like a personal attack, someone's attitude problem usually has nothing to do with you.

My great-grandmother, Belle, was 3 years old when her father died a painful death from appendicitis at the age of 46. His wife was left with 5 children and a 6th on the way. Just five years later, after their mother's death, Belle and her younger sister, now orphaned, were sent to live with their older brother, who raised them as his own. Belle was twenty-four when she married the love of her life, they married in 1896 after graduating from the same college in Illinois. Family lore says they crossed in a covered wagon from Illinois to California with three of their toddlers in tow.

Thirteen years later, her brother, who had raised her, passed away. The year was 1910. One year later, she found herself a widow, with no means of support and five children. She provided for her children by taking in washing and ironing, tutoring other people's children, cleaning houses, whatever she could find. Somehow, she managed to save enough to buy her house and the house behind it. She was a tough lady, she had to be, she raised five children to adulthood on her own. She watched her father and mother die within a span of just five years.

Did people get an incorrect impression from her attitude? Probably. Do you think she worried about how other people perceived her? I doubt it. I don't think she had the time. The way she treated others had nothing to do with them and everything to do with her. She developed her attitude from years of hard life. She survived by developing a tough outer hide that kept her going in rough times. She told people like it was, that's how she lived her life.

So how do we get over feeling personally assaulted by other's behavior? How do we stop taking it personally? When you are the victim of another person's behavior, stop a minute to think before you react. You aren't responsible for their behavior, they are. You are only responsible for how you react to it. Stop thinking that their behavior is your responsiblity. Resist attacking back, remember it isn't you they are really angry with. You don't have to be Ghandi, but attacking them won't gain you a sudden level of respect. Since they're so blinded to others reactions to their nastiness, your outburst may just make them wonder what the heck is wrong with you. I try to realize what is really going on - what's behind their behavior. Sometimes the best approach is a simple - hope you have a better day - and move on.

After all, it probably has nothing to do with you at all.

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